Thursday, March 13, 2008

Bad News Bears

Bad news, kids.

I've just had my very first ever rejection from an institution of higher learning. Rejection from men? That I am well versed in, friends. I've been learning how to navigate the subtle underpinnings of potential-romantic-partner rejection since my first crush on one Jonathan Gardner circa 1988 (we were in kindergarten. I was in love.) when I decided to make known my romantic intentions by strategically placing my mat next to his during naptime and kissing him when he wasn't looking. To which he replied by yelling "Ech!" and wiping his mouth furiously. (or something. I don't remember. It was 1988.) I got a good talking to from Mrs. Foster about how "nice girls don't kiss boys." But I've never been a nice girl, have I? And it was totally worth it.

Back to 2008. Educational rejection. Now this is a completely different animal. For once, it has nothing to do with the way my face is shaped, or how much fat i happen to be wearing, or whether or not my clothes are fashionable, things i don't generally put much stock in anyway. No, no, this rejection is based instead on the baring of my innermost soul and desire, my utmost creative effort, WHO I AM AT THE VERY FOUNDATION OF MY BEING, and all of the things that are inside, all of the things i generally rely on for my self-esteem, hooking of romantic partners, general advancement in life, purpose, goals, dreams, etc, etc, etc...well, with one piece of paper, SLC took one giant, hot, steamy shit all over it.

Thankfully, though, I learned a very valuable lesson this week from a little show called One Tree Hill. It was this quote: Blessed are those whose hearts bend, for they will never be broken. My heart is bent, friends, it is. But thankfully, it's not broken. *tear*

4 comments:

Sideshow said...

That was a pretty good quote. One tree hill...who would have guessed? That's the thing about the arts, you're always bearing your soul to someone who may not be interested in what you're "selling." But with persistence, staying true to yourself, and saying "fuck the man," those breaks we're always looking for eventually come along. Proud of you for stepping out and trying.

Rona said...

And they obviously have no souls. Who wants to study from people like that, anyway? You should send THEM a rejection letter. On Vassar letterhead.

Cast the First Stone -- said...

as one who has experienced a lot about rejection, i have only one thing to say: don't give up. i've been rejected from four different grad programs. i'm skittish, but i'm going to try again. i hope you do too. cause your writing is fucking brilliant.

Cast the First Stone -- said...

god, i can't write complete sentences before i have coffee. i meant i've experienced a lot OF rejection. maybe there is a reason i don't get accepted.