Wednesday, January 23, 2008

baby naming

If you're reading this, you most likely know me, and if you know me, you know that i like books. I was thinking the other day (yesterday, at work, actually. yes, instead of DOING work) that should i happen to procreate, the chances of which i give myself, at this point in my life, maybe a 37.62% chance of doing*, I might perhaps like to name my children after certain literary-type things. The probability of me procreating 3 separate times is exponentially less likely (twice, 13.31%; thrice, 0.45%); however, i've come up with 3 names i would like to use on my literary spawn, so we're going to go with 3. I've also decided to go from largest literary-related thing to smallest, because everyone knows the baby gets the most attention, so i figured in a handicap for her so that she won't be quite so spoiled. I plan on having a girl, a boy, and a girl, in that order (i'm not even going to attempt the probabilities with this one). The eldest, of course, would be named Paige. The middle child would be Colum (a name shared, incidentally, by a favorite writer of mine, Colum McCann). The youngest would be named Tilde.


And should I, God forbid, accidentally procreate a fourth time, it would be a girl and i would fulfill my childhood promise to my 8th grade science teacher by naming her Inertia.

that's pretty.

On a related note, i would like to discuss my amusement with names that constitute a full sentence. Tom Waits, for instance. Or a guy i used to date named Justin Blewitt. i like that one particularly a lot because it's not just a subject and a verb, but also an, um, you know, predicate. Names are so funny. Julie Seals. What does she seal? Who knows?!

Yeah, yeah, i know i'm a nerd. But if i wasn't, i would probably be hanging out with my friends blowing coke instead of blogging. you didn't think about that, didja? DIDJA?

SPEAKING of drugs, I'm sure you know by now that Heath Ledger is dead (good segue, huh?). Without getting too philosophical about it, i would just like to say that IF YOU ARE 28, GORGEOUS, FAMOUS, AND HAVE A 2-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER, YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON IN HELL TO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF. If your life is so bad, i should have been dead years ago. possibly aborted. okay? seriously, grow a pair, perhaps try to consider for 2 seconds that it's not all about you, and realize that pretty much everyone else on the planet is doing WORSE than you.

ugh, what a waste of a pretty face.

Of course, i would be down for starting some kind of "Michelle Williams killed him and made it look like a suicide because..." conspiracy theory.

Okay, that's about all the time i have today. tune in tomorrow for more excitement.**

*All statistics are completely made up. Like all other statistics.
**I make absolutely no promises to actually blog tomorrow or that, in the event i do blog, it will be in any way exciting.


Sideshow said...

I love the footnote disclaimers! And "Inertia"...Hmmmm...not too bad. For a fifth, how about "Velocity?"

David said...

I love your voice; it’s cynical, yet darkly optimistic. Seriously, you're a terrific writer, Miss Lizzie! Also, I agree with "Sideshow" -- Inertia is a truly AWESOME name.

Cast the First Stone -- said...

i personally love the name, Tilde. i may steal that one...just kidding. did we ever tell you? we're naming our imaginary asian children Dante Orion and Sophia Alice. we only have two, so far. wink. wink.