Friday, November 5, 2010

just me and the bamboo

well, it's just me and the dying bamboo. the most slowly dying bamboo in the history of dying bamboo. honestly, i didn't even know you could kill bamboo. it doesn't even need dirt to grow! just water. WATER. makes me wonder if i kill everything i touch. plants, yes. as evidenced by the sickly yellow bamboo. "I'm sorry," i want to tell it. Okay, do tell it. I feel badly about killing it, and slowly is the worst way to go. But here we are, the only living (ish, i'm not really sure the bamboo counts as living) things in my apartment (unless you count the transient mice, which I don't, but mostly out of sheer denial).

oh, there's a bottle of wine here, too, but it's not alive or anything.

okay, 3 bottles, technically, but i'm only drinking out of one.

right now.

i guess it's been awhile, huh? I hadn't realized I haven't posted since Thanksgiving last year. a LOT has happened since then. I could tell you about all of it, but there is too much. So I will, as the great Inigo Montoya once said, sum up.

I was in love. Seriously in love. Like, really in love. Epically in love.

And then I found out that the man I was in love with was (and I am not exaggerating here) lying about everything. Every. Thing.

This was May.

Since May, I've pretty much been dealing with that. I wouldn't really call it an "adventure" as such, and nobody wants to hear the gory details (likely not even the people who have heard them), but it's been pretty bad.

Which brings me to today, the dominant thought of which was, "If I'm this depressed before winter even starts, how am I going to even make it through until Spring?"

But, you know what? I'll be okay. I always am. And breakups, just like other big life things, are an opportunity to re-examine our lives and to think about what we really want and to change and to grow (blah blah blah). The last time I went through a horrible breakup, I moved to New York, which is quite possibly the best decision I ever made. So, we'll see, right?

But for now, me and the bamboo are going to have a quiet evening in watching "Secretary" and having wine and popcorn for dinner.


okie said...

Les and I killed a bamboo, too. It survived a couple years and the move from Tulsa to NYC, but died a short while after.

My gloomy time is immediately pre solstice. Cold doesn't bother me as much as lack of sunlight.

Welcome back.

Anonymous said...

It's been a year since I even talked to a guy on account of my breakup. Your courage is inspiring. I hope you keep writing.

sally said...

I missed your blog! I understand though. It feels strange for me to journal when I'm either terrifically happy or devastated.

little miss gnomide said...

I didn't realize that you were posting again. I'm so sorry that I missed this.

I killed a cactus once.