Thursday, February 14, 2008

completely unoriginal valentine's day blog

is there ANYONE in the western world who actually LIKES valentine's day? Seriously, anyone? I would like to meet them. Because regardless of your personal life, Valentine's Day is bound to be frought with 1) too-high expectations, 2) self-pity, 3) anxiety, and 4) crushedness.

at least when you're single, you know exactly what to expect. when you've got a boyfriend, you WANT to expect, but you don't want to expect too much, because you don't want to be disappointed, but you do know that he cares about you, so that means he's going to do something, right? but then maybe he won't...this is the anxiety. i'm hoping to avoid the self-pity and crushedness this year. gah.

i don't remember ever having a good valentine's day. Oop! Wait. Yes, there was one! I was in 4th grade, which would have made me, um, roughly 10 years old. I was "going with" (what did we used to call it? god, it was so long ago) a cute little black boy named Chris Byers. And on Valentine's Day, he delivered. I got a box of candy and a cheap gold-plated heart necklace that turned my neck green almost immediately. I remember being so embarrassed to tell my mom that i had a boyfriend that i left the chocolate at school in my "cubby." i don't think i ever even ate it. (i've never been a huge fan of chocolate. strangely.) but i'll tell you one thing. that boy liked me. and he let me know it.

i admit, this is probably part of the reason that i dislike valentine's day now (and have since). because if it's so easy that a 10-YEAR-OLD BOY can do it, why don't more men get it right? For Chrissakes, it's not that difficult. And women are so easy to buy for: flowers, chocolate, stuffed animals, jewelry, dinner. Granted, the only thing on that list that really excites me is dinner. and jewelry. but a heartfelt gesture, no matter how off-point, is still a heartfelt gesture. why, then, do so many men balk and simply do nothing? C'mon guys! You know you're supposed to do something. So do something! It doesn't even have to be a big something. it doesn't have to be an expensive something. A card with a handwritten note in it telling us how much you care about us. A carefully picked CD or book. A token of your love and/or affection. I don't need diamonds. I don't even really need dinner (well, I do need dinner, due to my blood sugar issues, but it doesn't have to be fancy). All I want to know is that I am important to you, that you care about me, and that you feel lucky to have me in your life. that's it.

i think it's a pretty small price to pay for guaranteed sex.


Okie said...

Very true. Nice to have a candid female perspective.

I don't like holidays where gifts are expected in general. I like to give and receive unexpected gifts.

Plus, I don't really care, but Valentines is sexist.

Overall, I agree, the Thought is what counts most. And we, as men, often fuck that up.

David said...

Sadly Liz, I do not share your cynicism of VD. I've always loved it -- mostly because I'm a hopeless romantic who gets caught up in all the extra snuggles -- and more so since leaving my single life behind. (far, far behind) Frankly, I don't understand why so many people expect so much from a frivolous “non-holiday” But I do understand being disappointed. Trust me – a good woman is just as hard to find as a good man.

But I don’t want to get into a rant here.

Romance goes both ways. It’s like a dance… Seriously, would you really consider yourself “dancing” if you made your partner drag your limp body around the dance floor all night long? No wonder so many guys would rather stay in. My point is this: What you get out of a relationship is directly proportionate to what you put into it. Always and without exception.

Since I have an extra bit of love today, I’m sending you -- the sister I never had -- a mental bear hug -- a virtual Valentine. Be silly today. Have fun. You deserve it!

Lizzie said...

Dear Okie,

I think we women spend enough time showing you ungrateful men-types just how much we love and care about you. we cook you food. we do your laundry. WE BEAR YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN. (but not British children. ha!)

and if that's not sexist, i don't know what is. the least you can do is buy us some crummy chocolates once a year and tell us that you love us.

ALSO, i would like to say that i bought the boyfriend not one, but TWO valentine's day presents. because love should be equal, and equally expressed. and sex doesn't count as a present.

Okie said...


Sideshow said...

As someone who is neither extremely for or against Valentine's Day, I'm here to say that it IS possible to have a guy who can show you he is grateful, and not all men are alike. Cutting them a break every now and then isn't a bad thing.

Lizzie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rona said...

I don't like chocolate, either! That's it. We're meant to be.