love and hate

hiya, babies! how are you? it's been a few days, so i thought i'd write something, even though i'm not sure yet what that's going to be.

let's start with the BF. I know i sometimes get frustrated with him, but at the moment i'm so enamored it's kind of disgusting and i would like to just say that he showed up on my doorstep at a completely reasonable hour last night OUT OF THE BLUE and we snuggled and talked in my bed until the wee hours of the night. and he said something sickening like "I love looking into your eyes," and then i said something sickening, like "I love how we can just lay around and talk." in fact, here's a short list of the things i love about him.

1. he likes my fat (erm, curves)
2. he likes me in spite of (and possibly in part because of) my crazy psychopathic tendencies (like wanting to plan everything, or flipping out over minute infractions)
3. he is a fantastic listener
4. he always knows when something is wrong (sometimes before i do)
5. he is hot, hot, hot, and does that boy know how to dance! mmm.
6. he owns more pairs of shoes than i do.

did you just throw up a little in your mouth? sorry about that. i couldn't help myself.

moving on. I read an article this morning about my alma mater, one Oral Roberts University, which fucked me up more than i care to let on. if you don't know the entire story, it's documented practically daily by the Tulsa World. Because nothing else really happens down there. (HA! I just got a really weird mental image of the "down there" of the United States being in Oklahoma. Oklahoma, the vagina of the US. god, how depressing!) The first article i read was about how the place is on the upswing, because a guy basically said "I'll give you $62 million dollars if you let me make the rules" and ORU was like "yeah, sure. sounds good." which has a couple of alumni i know really excited that the place is now on the right track (these are former "I hate ORUers" who are now giving money to the university). but i'm (more than) a little skeptical. isn't that just trading one monarchy for another? isn't that continuing the tradition of BOWING TO THE DOLLAR instead of God? I'm not convinced. I mean, anything, ANYTHING is better than Richard and Lindsey. A monkey, a chocolate bar, a waitress from Hooters. Marilyn Manson. Anything. (side note: although, i do actually have a lot of respect for MM. i like the guy. he's smart and well-spoken, and i think in many ways he is more "christian" than most self-proclaimed christians.) But I'm not sure that the corruption is gone. i'm not sure that ORU hasn't traded one "evil" for another. the second article i read was about a former accountant who has stepped forward and alleges that ORU was funneling $1 billion annually through the university out to not only Richard and Lindsey but also to the Regents. Though I doubt that it's possible that that much money was coming through ORU, it would explain why the Regents were so reluctant to deal with the allegations brought by the former professors who filed the lawsuit. What? More corruption in the church? I'm shocked.

all of that to say that i'm not convinced that anything has changed. and it will be a long time before i am. at this point, though i feel much less like blowing up the prayer tower or hoping to someday watch a giant tornado level the campus, i am still so scarred by my four years there that i'm not sure that any amount of change could convince me to ever forgive ORU its former evils. and although some former "I hate ORUers" have come to a place where they are now supporting the university financially, i don't know that i will ever even be able to speak well of it. I'm still angry, and it's going to take more than a little restructuring to change that. ORU took my soul. it's not getting my money, too.