disappointment

sometimes i wonder if i had met an ex later in life, if we could have been happy together.

sometimes i wonder how my life would be different if my mother had been 25 instead of 16.

sometimes i wonder if i'm doing the right thing, if i'm working hard enough, if i'm where i'm supposed to be.

i wonder who decides that--supposed to and should

or whether these are just expectations that are sure to be unfulfilled?

have you ever noticed that when you shave, you definitely won't get laid...but every damn time you don't, some guy is in your pants faster than you can say "razor"?

is this a matter of expectation, or simply Murphy's law of body hair?

why do men care so much when they disappoint you, yet they don't seem to do much to avoid it?

do you ever think about all of the decisions you could have made differently and try to surmise where you'd be now?

i could have been a college dropout with a child to a man i never loved

i could have been a missionary in Africa to babies orphaned by AIDS

i could have married because i was ready to and not because it was right

i would have been miserable.

birthdays always make me sad

they remind me that i only have so much time and that i don't know what to do with it

don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining

most days i'm happier than i've ever been

it doesn't keep me from wondering, though

if i'm on the right path, or wandering in the correct direction

how do we ever know if we're doing anything right

if anything is right, anyway.